
3:01 am 13th of December 2011

Everyone has a past. no but's. everyone. and the thing about past is that they're tricky. whether it be something that you pray to God you could forget or it be something that is so precious to you that you don't want to let it go. something that even though the moment has gone you want to live in it forever. but the thing about the past is that it is in the past. yes i know it is a well known saying but regardless it is the truth. some times you just do not want to let it go. especially if the memory its self contains someone you do not want to let go when in reality they are already gone. It is hard to let go of the past. you have the hope that they will return to you someday regardless of what it takes. that if you just sit back and let time go on as it has for so many years that they will be pulled back to you or you to them. Like the apple that fell from the tree to make a man realize that there must be something more then nothing to hold us to the earth. but in the end whether that something or that someone is pulled back to you, you have to live on. follow your life's course whether it is pre planned or just goes by day to day. i have spent so many years of my life hoping that the someone, not something, but the someone of my past will gravitate back to me. so much time i have spent pondering to myself in the depths of some odd sleepless nights if i over whelm her mind like she did mine. and it tore me apart, when i looked down and there were no missed calls from her. when i opened the mail and there were no letters, telling me how she missed me like i missed her. And this continued till one day i took my own advice. i sat back and stared at the ceiling in a drunken haze and thought to my self two simple little words that had been formed together in my mind to create a solution to my handicap. "WHY NOT" from that time on i used those words to guide my life based on luck. why not .and in doing so in giving up my past my irrational thoughts of gravity and accepting life as it should be, i found something new. No. Someone new. Someone better. Someone who filled my soul with such love that i had felt before, and love i had not felt before. she has brought me to my expectations of Ecstasy and further. She has helped me realize that my past should be remembered, but as come to past and can finally be let go. and i have. this realization that i can let go of my past. This has not just now become known to me but has come almost two years from this point. and what has sparked the idea to write this you ask? I do not know. but i am glad i am writing it. because just writing this, with every key i hit, makes me realize the power of the those two words. it has brought me back to the beginning to where i can say three even more important words and feel the meaning in them that was not there before. I have let me past go, finally, and i feel happy. but will i forget? No. my past is the past. and i may have let it go, but i will never forget. for what is a person with out their memories. All i am saying is that i have found someone who has taught me to defy gravity. And I suggest you do the same.
Goodnight,
Joshua Timothy Gardner